i love accidental penises.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
