these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
