im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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