I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
