Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
