come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
