just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
