just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
