it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
