I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
