I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I would ride that face into the sunset
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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