Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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