did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just found a bag of teeth...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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