either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
