I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
