I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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