um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
