Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We have so much sex to catch up on
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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