she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Randomize
