one two three fourrrrnication!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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