its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
