I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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