i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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