Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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