What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
