Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
