I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
