I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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