hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
