Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
