There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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