Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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