i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
