I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
