I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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