My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize