my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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