He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
