I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
