Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize