In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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