you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
