He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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