so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize