high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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