A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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