I didn't shave. On purpose
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I didn't notice because vodka
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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