I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
