Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
