I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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