my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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