just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
