I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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