I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
