my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
