i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
