All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
