i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
