Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
