I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
