belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
