I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize