this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
