Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize