Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
