ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
