That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
