Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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