Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
