I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
