I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
