so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
