So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
