well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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