hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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