You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
