she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
