I just pynch a tree in the face
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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