He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
