yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
