I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
