The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
